if i ever not born to this world....

dunno what is the feeling now...
2mrw i have a math test 2 which contribute 16 marks to my final.
but i started to feel that everything is purposely challenging me.
why life cant be simple?
why we must care so much thing?
initially we are nothing when we were born,our parents gave our birth...
we started to walk,run,and speak to them.
soon when were were grow up,
things become more and more complicated as out of we thought.
money is everything in many ppl aspects.
money can buy anything.
without money you cant buy anything.
so, better study hard now for your better future.
the probelm is, i dont think so i can graduate in 3 yrs time.
this thinking always occurred when i am in down mood.
i had wasted a chance, i dont want to lost another one,
now im doing math revision,
hopefully i can score well in that test.
i have no idea what my result will be in the final.
i dont want to predict since predict also useless.
better study hard now, that's what my brother told me.
from what i seeing now, i cannot achieve what he have achieved.
he is a person which i admired so much,
he love his wife, he cares his family (including me)
he has his career,
he is in a blissful family currently.
from what i have seen, if i could have a half of his achievement that i will be satisfied.
now i still typing the words in this post.feel that it will be a better 2mrw.
try my best to do well in the test, and get bek home to see my parent.
although we have less conversion, although i still cant be mature in your eye,
although im the worst kid that you have, although i alwayz made you all sad and unhappy,
i also dun wan to do that, because i am sick of this family.
i am so jealous my fren can have a blissful family and can have a good and pleasure coinversionb with their parents.
time is 10.38pm now, still typing....
promise myself not to touch the pc too often as before.
i have found the cause why that i dont have much heart in study...
i dont want to be fooled or controlled by the 2nd idiot box in this world.
im getting addicted if i dont stop it now.
if somedays you heard that im surcided, plz dun be so surprise, cuz i think it will happen someday.but not now...

now. i have to do the revision again...
sign off....